Long Lost Thoughts

Brains tend to think.

There so many thoughts that run through a person's head daily! Do you realize how much you think in the process of a moment?

The complexity of a mind isn't something I ever want to attempt to understand fully. As I simply try to leave out my own finiteness of comprehending the brain - a migraine is breeding!

Lately, my thoughts have been exploring the vastness of their own design. Particularly, the species of creative thoughts.

[something else to ponder: are all thoughts creative?]

Creative thoughts urge on dreams.

Some creative thoughts are very realistic. They tend to be great camping sites. They add to the list of things to do in a day. Realistic thoughts are inventors of new industries. They cultivate something to chase after and design desire within a soul. They ultimately have potential; realistic thoughts grow and age as time invests in them. About 97% of the time (from my own estimation of course!) these ideas take some sort of action.

Some creative thoughts are not so realistic. These tend to be the dreams that are in and out - like fast food. Quick, simple and little investment or sacrifice of time made. I'd say these thoughts don't follow with an action 99.47% of the time. Yet, like fast food (healthy or not) they add weight to the movement of thoughts.

I've taken a yonder to pondering that these unrealistic thoughts or young ideas are still creative, and thus should go somewhere.

I'd like to think that these thoughts are the things that link the good camping sites together. In order to GET TO someplace....you have to GET first. You must journey through a trail that connects by being in-between start and destination.

I wouldn't call young ideas "connecting thoughts", but rather bumps, roots, pebbles, shrubs, leaves, mushrooms, the occasional deer, moose, etc. These thoughts are not required, nor are they the same among every trail...but they do tend to naturally occur along the way. A moose would probably be remembered, but the number of rocks, dirt and twigs seen, would most likely not be treasured in one's heart.

With the value of these young ideas, I feel like once they are done being a focus in one's mind....they become like the long lost boys from Peter Pan. They never grow old, but are far off in Neverland. I'd like to think they are participating in some sort of adventure.

Maybe they should be called long lost thoughts? [Haha, I'm sure there are researchers out in the world who actually name these types of thoughts....but I like my made up ones].

There are many that I do not remember quite well....but the other day I was thinking of how silly some seem now. When I was a kid, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up...but occasionally, I had a few long lost thoughts concerning my future...and, I kind of wanted to become a nun, or an astronaut [haha, I know].

Long lost thoughts are fun fun....and give contribution of our wonderful noggins.

Imagination

Here is great marvel to behold. Probably a favorite landmark of mine. It is found from within. Oh here holds destinies and here is where undiscovered memories are created.

This is the spot where a ship's captain calls sails to be open wide. Here is the place for the watchmen to gaze upon the water's surface for any curious sea creatures wanting a royal ship for a snack.

Here is where the captain is actually a woman searching the earth for her lost lover. No one is deceived, for she plays the role of a seaman well. Her hair kept brief, and cheeks left bare.

She inherited her sea legs from a long line of fishermen. Once, long ago, she used to twirl in skirts and slippers, but now she marches in heavy boots.

Even though she isn't clothed in powder, her beauty hasn't faded. Her face is enhanced by dirt and salt. She appears to have grown hard, and frightening....but her heart remains tender these long aching years of tracking down her lover.

At this same place, her lover is on distant shore taking down dragons. His crew was shipwrecked long ago. He has forgotten the day, along with the taste of wine...yet, remembers his fair one. She remains to be the forefront of his thoughts.

This is the place where nothing separates true love. Right here in my very own imagination.

November's Reflection

Life is certainly not void of change! Funny how with every new week there is something new to wrap my brain around; time is faithful to provide refreshing feelings through my nerves.

When I was breathing in the moment of last week, it was present for me. Right now I am breathing in the present, yet also realizing that the presence of now takes space of something that will at some point be the future's memory.

SO today....I am intentionally capturing a moment of time to gather the highlights of last month!

* Thanksgiving was loads of joy! Ate the BEST chocolate cream pie I've ever tasted...along with the most delicious cranberry sauce! Made some sweet memories in the kitchen, and new friends that have become family!

* I had my first cup of COCONUT TEA! Why have my taste buds gone so long without it??

* Within school, I am taking a year long class once a week on children's ministry. Each week blows my mind away! Truly enjoying it!

* Every Saturday I to a Community Feast - where groups of people to out to different spots around town feeding a lunch to specific neighborhoods. I am so honored to build relationships with the people living in this town! So many unique hearts! I cherish each one!

* I have been learning how to have fun! Lately, when something new or silly arises, I tell myself "Don't worry about being good at it...just do it anyway, and have fun!" Doing something fun, doesn't always mean its doing something you've done over and over again....then again, fun can also be found in redundancy. Fun isn't mastered, it's enjoyed.

* There is a great deal of importance in being intentional. Everything has purpose! Applying effort into things (even this blog) is HUGE. Keeping Good Habits molds my lifestyle - - my lifestyle makes a dent in history! And history of course, changes the world. Something remarkable happens when we grab ownership of weighty forcible power. I take charge of the responsibility of loving myself well - keeping up with laundry, cleaning, eating, sleeping, talking to myself, pampering, being fun, and having quality connection with people.


And with that I wrap up November...and am overjoyed for what's in store for the end of this year!!

October's Reflection...

And so, the month is coming to a close.

What has been happening with me?
Hahaha. Well...

School is wonderful.
Homework is worth every effort.
Community is great! SO great.
Learning a lot through experience.
The exploration of Redding is expanding.

To Tell Of The Best Adventures:

* Went to SpoonMe. A creatively named, yummy frozen yogurt spot (frozen yogurt is a hit here). It's all self serve. Soo many toppings to choose from. I loved it!

* Went on a hike with a group from school. We had an amazing time, despite the fact that it was the only chilly overcast day! Saw awesome waterfalls. And when the next opportunity arises I WILL go down the natural water slide, and swim! It's an awesome spot.

* Found an impressive walking trail!! I'm going to try to make it more of a routine next month, but I've mostly jaunted out 2-3 times a week.

* Today (Saturday) I finally started my activation!! I am a part of Community Feast. There are about 5-6-ish, I'd say groups in the ministry. Each group has a designated location somewhere in town, and every Saturday we go out to the same place. My group set up in the parking lot by a motel and apartment complex.

Community Feast has been serving in this spot for years, so the neighborhood knows what's up. As we were setting up to feed, a line formed. I am not that great with numbers, but maybe 20-30 (?) people came out. We had beans, cornbread, and bagels. It was a good first day. Feel like it's going to be great as the relationships build throughout the year.


Okay. How was that? I feel like I'm in a totally different world! I am not used to explaining the day-to-day occurrences! But What can I explain deeper? What can I write more about? What would you like to know most? What words do I overuse? (let's hope my writing skills improve too)

BEFORE the "End Of November Update" - just like this October post - there will be bits inbetween the lines. (ie: recipes, revelations, beauty-encounters, travels, poems, etc.)

I have to experience then process. This adventure holds a lot to digest and balance....At the same time, I am figuring out how to honor my family by keeping them in the loop. I'm learning, please, be patient with me!

Ask me questions...if you're reading!
I'd love comments :)

Learning how...

"If I miss the mark all together...Let me just and only know love. Down to the depths of my heart, I permit love to meet needs this year..."

Well, literally right after that declaration was made in a journal last month, I came across a need: loving myself.

I recalled a spiritual mom mentioning something awhile back, "can you write down 100 dreams?"

Sticking with a list, I positioned myself to write fifty ways to love myself...it was really hard!!! Yet so needed. And I actually came up with 5 extra!! Some point I'll add 45 more, to make 100....for the present, this is progress!!

For about two months now, I have been trying to implement at least one each day! And I'm becoming mindful of a lifestyle that requires me to truly love who I am...have I been faithful? Nooo, but I am working on it :)

55 WAYS TO LOVE

1.) pamper (ie: paint nails)

2.) breathing in and out eight times

3.) stretching exercises

4.) walk

5.) put good foods in my body

6.) smile for one whole minuet

7.) read a non-required book

8.) movie night

9.) invest in quality time with Papa

10.) invest myself in others

11.) open up to others when it feels hard

12.) run {when timing is appropriate}

13.) play soccer

14.) do a puzzle

15.) color with crayons and markers

16.) paint

17.) hit the sweet spot (ie: chocolate)

18.) drink tea

19.) balance financial needs

20.) tithe {when having an income}

21.) hike

22.) take time for hair/accessories

23.) record a hundred dreams

24.) write 50 absolutely silly things

25.) write poetry

26.) come up with 30 topics to write about

27.) write a few stories

28.) lead/teach something

29.) play the piano

30.) practice drums

31.) hum

32.) sing a song

33.) list ten absolutely CRAZY uncomfortable steps out of my familiar bubble

34.) email a good friend

35.) re-read an old note from a friend

36.) look over journals

37.) dance - very silly

38.) laugh so hard it hurts

39.) shout

40.) cook something yummy

41.) memorize a sweet scripture

42.) try new foods

43.) try something new

44.) embrace a deep fear

45.) be comfortable

45.) dress up - for the heck of it

46.) dress casually

47.) hang out in pajamas

48.) sit in quiet

49.) speak my heart

50.) cry in someone else's arms

51.) don't take matters too seriously

52.) talk about what I care about

53.) listen to other's stories

54.) let the Spirit do it...I won't try to force anything upon myself, until the timing is just so.

55.) use imagination and play pretend with a child

Letting it all sink in

I can't get over how beautiful it is here. Mountains constantly surround me. Unfamiliar trees are eye capturing, honestly.

There is a walking trail close by my house. Slowing down, studying the surroundings will never get old for me. I'm taken by the beauty.

As I catch a glimpse of one small pebble amongst infinitely many pebbles...I am in awe. Going back to my boring biology class, sophomore year, I think about the breakdown of that pebble; deeply wonder what elements are involved. Don't even get me started on my favorite unnamed tree....

Ohh a person could get lost in such acts of taking it all in. There is always beauty to behold. Always. No matter what the form, atmosphere, culture, or opinion. Enrapturing the glory is a forever thing.

now is a good time

Ohhh where do I even begin?!

Here and now is a good time, so let's dive right in.

Before I make any more posts, it's time to set some goals. I'm in a different place today than when I first set standard for this blog. I am in a completely different body it feels like! No longer 16. No longer in public high school. No longer intimidated by people reading this blog...well, almost ;)

Here we go.....

1.) This blog contains all the original requirements

2.) I will be mixing up the style a bit [additions include, but not limited to: poems, short-stories, quick thoughts, daily routines, recipes and more pictures]

3.) I am going to embrace creativity in this. I am amazed [even with the occasional writer's block] by how writing never gets old for me! Every time I journal, I realize: I need to write more often!! It's the best way I process. Even if it's an email!

4.) I am going have loads and LOADS of fun with this. I'm not going to stumble over having too much on my thinking plate; I am not going to put off blogging simply because I think I lack the inspirational words. My posts are relevant - that is enough!

5.) I am going to honor goal number four, BUT I am going to recognize the days when I really need to let go of the words, and have needed veg time!

Ah. There you have it!

Anticipate more for next week. Phenomenal glory awaits......

divinving into a new adventure with my First Love

15 days ago I left Wet Crisp New England and arrived in Sunny Dry California!

(Yeah, I know...way to break the news to a blog after I literally moved across the country...what's done is done - and there's much catching up to do!)

To make a dreadfully long story short....I am staying with a beautiful family of five, sharing a bunk bed with a lovely roommate and going to Bethel School Of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM - see ibssm.org for more information). 

After the second week, it's safe to say: I have crossed the 'point of no return' and there's no going back for me. I'm in this for the long haul.

I have invested practically all of me into this move, and find myself bewildered by beauty! The location is surrounded by mountains, the sun shines everyday, and I hear it doesn't get much below 40 degrees. (adoring the warmth here!)

Even though I've never been on the Pacific side, so far I feel at home. Nothing really reminds me of Maine, yet I feel like this is home for this season! Now that I think of it, even as a kid I was quite the traveler - maybe I just feel at home wherever I go?

Ultimately, I think the reason why I feel so at home this early is because I know this is the spot I need to be in for this time. As of today, I cannot put my reasons into words....for now, know that a lot of small things started to build and confirm my desires...and here I am!

I am very excited to record this next journey....

love with no fear

On a rainy ride yesterday morning, something special hit me through Jack Johnson's lyrics. 

"The best I can do is try to show you how to love with no fear"

There is no fear in love. So how can we possibly love with fear???

We CANNOT. 

I simply felt the desire to be fearless and courageous. Really thought about what it means. Searched and considered the words from the dictionary and ideas of others

Fearless:
without fear; bold or brave

Fear:
anxiety, concern, feeling of distress, apprehension, or alarm caused by impending danger, pain, etc.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement of something else that is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon

"Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."  - Mary Anne Radmacher

fascinating concept....

Sticking it our for the greater good. 

Laboring before holding a fragile bundle of joy. 

Fighting in order to win. 

Making mistakes before performing the extraordinary. 

Stuttering painfully until eloquence.

Waiting for an encore.

Building to strengthen.       

Okay, to break it down, it's kinda like when parents say:

"Eat Your Vegetables......Before Dessert"

 Let me be relevant and refer to the event that is wrapping up today: 2012 Olympics.

 In my opinion, watching athletics on a TV screen is dull. However, I do feel that there is a certain weightiness specifically to the Summer Olympics. Besides it being a four year event, and filtering out the "best of the best"....A vast amount of the entire world participates in coming together to do something great. Many Olympians this year broke records...and then still others could not beat 40 year old numbers. Amazing event.

When the synchronized swimming team performed on the Olympics this past Friday....something hit me.

Throughout the performances, the commentators mentioned something among the lines of: "Their hips are not that high. Their legs must be like rubber, since they are probably going off exhausting practice. It's a very hard thing to be under water for that long. They had a good lift at the beginning, but can they stay strong and give a finale?"

This made me consider that synchronized swimming is a lot tougher than I gave the "graceful" activity credit. The amount of training is impressive, but I suppose that's no different than any other sport. What truly stands out about unique and fascinating sportsmen are their performance in a unit.

During one volleyball match, I noticed one team to be particularly divided. The two team-mates constantly picked on each others faults....and it clearly didn't help their game. They lost.

Again, synchronized swimming catches my eye. The way the team has to be in unison, and literally lifting each other up. A whole lot of nit-picking points, and penalties are involved, so there needs to be a flow. Like I said this is pretty much the same as with any other sport.

My key point here: the performance level is huge in the Olympics. An athlete's training might take place on a home-made dirt track, or high-technological-stimulated pool....but the core of it all is it's the condition of the human skill. The Olympics is one grand showing after tiring efforts. 

It's beautiful....because they had to save the best for last.

What a fascinating concept we have here.......

a heart exposed

About a year ago, alone in my room, I soaked in Misty Edwards’ song: “Arms Wide Open”.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ZCIp0HiRo&feature=related)

That day, I worshiped Him deeper. Though I am certain I recorded it somewhere in my stack of journals, I don’t remember the exact date – but I will forever hold onto the moment!

Tuning in to the Spirit, I sat down on the carpet. I started with my head bent to my knees, and arms wrapped around my calves. My heart was positioned towards the cross. I could not explain my thoughts, but I’m pretty sure that was the point. I was entirely willing to embrace whatever He was doing in that specific season.

Slowly, I felt convicted in the greatest peace by the lyrics to unfold my position, and sit up.

Slowly I stretched out my arms.

Slowly, I lifted up my arms high.

I felt exposed; vulnerable. That moment, I was so moved by the cross. I was in awe. I had some confusion – stuff to sort out.

The last verses struck me: “I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me. He was looking at me, looking at Him…I began to weep…This is how I know what love is…I could not escape those beautiful eyes. I began to weep and weep. He had arms wide open, heart exposed…This is how I know what love is.....As I sat there weeping, crying…Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love. And He said to me: ‘you shall love me……you shall love with arms wide open, a heart exposed...If you’ve been searching for love in all the wrong places - come to me. Come to Me. Run with Me. Deny yourself, forget your father’s house and run. Because you were made for Someone Greater...and you’ll come alive, when you learn who died. ’”

Such an atmosphere of my heart changing dynamically!!

I bought into exposure in the most beautiful way.

until love desires....

Indeed. Yet again, the Supremes invite us to dig deep into Love.....

Throughout the book of Songs, there is a statement constantly being repeated. Truly, I cannot fully wrap my mind around the dynamics of scripture. Therefore, I will not even begin to claim that I have attempted to grasp this particular verse!!! What is so beautiful about the Song of All Songs, is that it is deep. The romantic story with Jesus never grows old with me.....Today, I merely sit upon it.

"Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,
   by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:
Don't excite love, don't stir it up,
   until the time is ripe—and you're ready."

Song of Solomon (MSG)

trecking on unfamiliar land

Summer is in its full.....and my blog has been empty for weeks! I felt urged today to share a portion of a devotional I started a few weeks ago. I have a special place in my heart for introductions in books. This one in particular is relevant to much of my prayer life the past couple of months....

On Holy Ground - Charles Stanley

Introduction:

“Before you start on a long trip, you usually check to make sure you have everything you need. Nobody wants to be caught unprepared. The good news is that the Lord has already supplied you with everything needed for you spiritual journey (II Peter 1:3)

                You are provisioned to the maximum, with nothing left out or forgotten. And just like a traveler, you appreciate your full suitcase the most when you have the greatest need. The times in which you come to the end of your ability are the very times you realize the abundance of His provision. These special moments can be defined in many ways. In the Scriptures, when men and women experienced a meeting with God, they often respond with awe, brokenness, and repentance. Moses slipped off his sandals. Isaiah cried, ‘Woe is me, for I am undone’ (Isaiah 6:5). All of these fellow travelers, however, inevitably came to the understanding that, at that special moment in time, exposed and in the presence of God, they were standing On Holy Ground. May this be your experience too.

                Don’t try to lug along your own resources for this spiritual journey. Stop striving. Let the Word of God work effectively in you. Trust God and enjoy your trip.”

January’s Theme:

Trusting God

Hebrews 11:8

                “Abraham’s roots were firmly entrenched in the city of Ur. It was a civilized culture. His business was thriving. His family lived there. Yet God spoke to him at age seventy-five to leave all that was familiar and travel to an unknown territory. God promised to bless Abraham if he started down the road by faith.

                Like Abraham, we enter this year unsure of the paths we will walk, but we can make our journey in faith and confidence that God will be with us each step of the way. He has given us His Word and the Holy Spirit to guide us: ‘That you may know the way by which you must go, for you have not passed this way before’ (Josh. 3:4).

                Perhaps God has been speaking to you about leaving familiar territory, making new steps of faith, or moving on to a new job, a different ministry, new relationships, new geographical location, or a new spiritual commitment. If so, pack your bags. Our journey of faith is beginning.”

In The Name Of Love

Since I received my license back in January, I have a ritual declaration: "I will not allow any car in front of me or behind me influence the way I drive. I will hold it together on the road." Not to come across as the greatest driver...but I do have legal access to solely drive a car...and I do not take it lightly. I recognize the immense value upon driving with caution. Thus, I do my best to keep myself in check as a healthy, un-distracted driver.It has been an interesting adventure journeying around on four wheels.

One afternoon in particular, for example. It was a couple months back, when I was driving and felt influenced by my own emotion. For a couple of minuets I sulked in a puddle of groaning about my insecurities....but afterward, I mustered up some self-control. I felt an attack of lies coming against me from standing in Truth. I had a picture of an ejection button (kinda like the easy button from staples). As I had my hands on the steering wheel, I declared "you are a liar, and you are not welcome in my car!" I symbolically pressed a button, and kicked the intruder to the curb!

I know that Holy Spirit lives within me, and has given me the authority to call upon the Name Above All Names (note -- Acts 22:16; Psalm 50:15; John 15:9-16). Our God is the Great I Am. He wears a name tag that is greater, stronger than any other Name.

Isaiah 12:4 And in that day you will say, Give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name and by means of His name [in solemn entreaty]; declare and make known His deeds among the peoples of the earth, proclaim that His name is exalted! 
 

Isaiah 54:11-17 (MSG) 

^11-17"Afflicted city, storm-battered, unpitied:
   I'm about to rebuild you with stones of turquoise,
Lay your foundations with sapphires,
   construct your towers with rubies,
Your gates with jewels,
   and all your walls with precious stones.
All your children will have God for their teacher—
   what a mentor for your children!
You'll be built solid, grounded in righteousness,
   far from any trouble—nothing to fear!
   far from terror—it won't even come close!
If anyone attacks you,
   don't for a moment suppose that I sent them,
And if any should attack,
   nothing will come of it.
I create the blacksmith
   who fires up his forge
   and makes a weapon designed to kill.
I also create the destroyer—
   but no weapon that can hurt you has ever been forged.
Any accuser who takes you to court
   will be dismissed as a liar.
This is what God's servants can expect.
   I'll see to it that everything works out for the best."
        - God's Decree. 

The Lord is faithful to keep His promises - we can EXPECT that! It's important in our journey to recognize this truth; it's necessary to stand in the name of the King of Kings. We have permission (to even quote The Supremes) and to say to the intruder: "STOP! In the Name of Love." 

 

I John 4:8 (AMP)

 There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection]. 

Finally I close out with this version of Our God, and ask the rhetorical question: If our Lover is for us, by our sides, than who could EVER stand against?

IN the stage of being inbetween seasons....

I'm finally gearing up to be out of a transition stage - and then onto another!!

Allow me to catch up by elaborating: This past winter was a bit dry for me. I had an extremely short attention span whenever I would glance at my Bible. My only journaling consisted of quick bullet statements. I worshiped out of praise and honor but felt nothing from it…Or at least it has taken me a while before I felt the fruit of worshiping Him in the midst of dryness. I got out of the spiritual disciplines for a tad bit. I slept in, instead of waking up an extra 20 min to read and pray (like the past couple of years). I only read one whole book in the Bible: Ezra. And maybe read about four random verses a week.

I had a lot of “everyone is hopeless. I am hopeless!” kind of thoughts. It was just an odd season. I still was fed, but everything tasted bland – nothing had spice or sweetness.

Holding onto testimonies, and heart moments changed everything though...along with the sunshine returning. It definitely was a season, but like anything there was a lot of choice  involved in coming out of hibernation.

Now that the dry season has passed by, and I feel consistently full again…..everything is different.

I am becoming exposed, coming out of hiding. I am going deep instead of skimming the surface.

And, now that I feel like I have some sense of creativity back when it comes to blogging. I am excited to share some of the recent things. I feel like this post will make something about this next blogging season official!

Last month, I felt stirred to get back to the basics. TRUST has always been a standard basic for me. So, I'll go with something that has been familiar, and needs to be re-trained in my thought life this week....

 Proverbs 3:5-12 (MSG)

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
   he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
   Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
   your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
   give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
   your wine vats will brim over.
But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;
   don't sulk under his loving correction.
It's the child he loves that God corrects;
   a father's delight is behind all this.

The Gentleman Who Perfectly Interrupts

I am having one particular struggle recently...being interrupted -  I seriously hate being interrupted. And it seems that my conversations with God and people are constantly being disturbed. OH it drives me bonkers!! I just want direct eye contact. I think that my conversations would not take as long if I wasn’t interrupted by something else. And you know, it’s not just other people cutting in, it’s the actual person I speak to…okay, and sometimes it’s my own wandering mind. Seriously. This world is breeding communicators with short attention spans. Gah!

SO  with this recent annoyance, I made an effort this past week, for starters, to press into quiet time. 

I was interrupted once. At first I threw my hands up, and said “That is it! I have nothing in me to keep on pursuing!"

BUT THEN! I was interrupted a second time, but by the quickening of the Spirit. I realized that the first interruption, was only one moment. It wouldn't be a waste if I tried to press in again.

I asked Him: “Okay. I position myself to you right here and now. Mmm. Show me any place that I have not trusted you with. Reveal something specific to me.”

By the end of the session of wading in His presence, it hit me: “Proverbs 3:5; Trust in the Lord your God, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

That is it. I have leaned on my own understanding. I have invested in my enjoyment of having everything be in the “right” way. I have resorted to OCD. OHH you have no idea how much of an eye opener this is for me!!

                                                                         

I like plans, I like to KNOW details. I like all my ducks in a row. I tend to have a strong desire to hide away when it comes to exposure. The biggest area for me is friendship. I have no clue why it has been a struggle to come out of my shell. I lack patience - and  I guess there is no time for patience, because all my breath is wasted on analyzing and correction!

I don’t like to be interrupted. 

Then, I was brought back to language. It is a given that my number one love language is encouraging words/words of affirmation. However! It has only been this year that I have figured out my second (maybe even new number one) is quality time.

What a revelation this is for me! There were so many social experiences when I felt hurt when no one gave me eye contact. I would so often sulk in feeling unnoticed. And yet, I had no clue why I was giving into these lies. I didn't know the source!

But now it’s like: ding ding ding!! That’s why I avoid speaking to people who are already talking, because I don’t want to interrupt. Now it makes sense when I can open up more in a smaller group of people instead of a larger group. I get it! I have this box where everything has to be in place. I prefer waiting for the “right time”. I even recognize how much I like to feel for other people. I like to give facial expressions….but only if it is a “safe” place to do it in.

It’s easy to express my passion with words, but it’s a different thing to express my passion with action.…..It’s a whole different adventure to move my heart to my feet….

I’ve made the action just this week to recognize my language, but also recognize that it’s not okay to take the extremes of situations. I need to let go on my understanding of “the right way.” And just go with the rhythm of grace. My agenda doesn't exist in the Kingdom. There is no superficial calendar of when the breaking of heaven will occur. I need to let go of constantly trying to have the "right" date and time!!

After all, He is my grace. And He is a wonderful gentleman – He knows the right time to interrupt and nudge me when I am leaning on my own understanding.

In fact, Jesus is the Ultimate Intercessor! He came and stood in the gap. He interrupted the punishment. He came in. What a God. What a Gentleman.

Retreat To The Core

Let me just come out and say it: I have made things too complicated. 

I suppose we all do. But recently, I notice a slight cockiness in the way I overload words, explanations, or appearance, attitude, and thoughts.

So I am retreating to the basics. Not in the sense of retreating out of defeat, but simply out of the fact that I can retreat. I am adjusting my perspective. Running towards Jesus. Not going back, but going forward under His shade. 

For this post I have a phrase: “when the music fades.”

This morning, during a Sunday school lesson for 4-6 year olds, we made flowers out of tissue paper with the kids. Our focus was on family love.

We had a song playing at the end, and let the kids dance along. They held their flowers and danced for a while. There was a good mix. Some were into it, while others were not all that sure about acting silly (which is totally fine and beautiful! Reminds me of how each and every child has their way of connecting).

One girl, in particular, was totally into it. As the music started settling down, she stayed in perfect rhythm. Even when the music was over, she continued on doing her thing. She had motions, and sways, that were elegant – in a little girl type of way. Oh her dress twirled back and forth. In her sandals, she tried to move on her tip-toes, and glided her arms this way and that. She was focused on what she was doing. Almost performing, I suspect that she has taken some classes. But she genuinely seemed to be enjoying herself! 

Mmm. Even when the music faded, when other kids “got it” and moved on….she kept on dancing.

What an image.

I had a moment.

Which brought me to this….

I remember singing this when I was in kids church. There was something that happened, when I just made it about Him. Not that I’d really even made it about anyone else, I wasn’t the type to want people to notice me. Instead, I would often struggle with my thoughts drifting, this way and that.  

I made it all about Jesus when I opened up my heart, once I took off the “bowling-bumpers”, and left out the hesitation. 

We can stay in rhythm of His heartbeat, even when we convince ourselves we cannot hear. Even when the trip to the mountain is over….we can align ourselves to His Spirit and Word.

Even when the obvious ministry at church "ends" on a Sunday….there is room for more.

My goal this week, is to simply love the people living in my home. Maybe even by their language instead of mine. Even though we all share the same DNA, each person in my family is very unique. May this post hold me accountable to go to the simple true worshiping heart.

a love WITH life

 I tell my soul to love the Lord WITH all my heart, WITH all my mind, WITH all my strength.

For as far as the east is from the west, so has the Lord separated us from our sins. And as high as the heavens are above the earth, so strong is His love for us!!!

He has conquered death! His love comes with an unshakable life. Yes we all die and wither away at the end…but we rise above that with Jesus, for He has risen above all things!

Let this be a truth to hold onto. Let His life that comes WITH His love empower us.

Psalm 103 MSG

^1-2 O my soul, bless God. From head to toe, I'll bless his holy name!
   O my soul, bless God,
      don't forget a single blessing!

 ^3-5 He forgives your sins—every one.
      He heals your diseases—every one.
      He redeems you from hell—saves your life!
      He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown.
      He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal.
      He renews your youth—you're always young in his presence.

 ^6-18 God makes everything come out right;
      he puts victims back on their feet.
   He showed Moses how he went about his work,
      opened up his plans to all Israel.
   God is sheer mercy and grace;
      not easily angered, he's rich in love.
   He doesn't endlessly nag and scold,
      nor hold grudges forever.
   He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve,
      nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
   As high as heaven is over the earth,
      so strong is his love to those who fear him.
   And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
      he has separated us from our sins.
   As parents feel for their children,
      God feels for those who fear him.
   He knows us inside and out,
      keeps in mind that we're made of mud.
   Men and women don't live very long;
      like wildflowers they spring up and blossom,
   But a storm snuffs them out just as quickly,
      leaving nothing to show they were here.
   God's love, though, is ever and always,
      eternally present to all who fear him,
   Making everything right for them and their children
      as they follow his Covenant ways
      and remember to do whatever he said.

 ^19-22 God has set his throne in heaven;
      he rules over us all. He's the King!
   So bless God, you angels,
      ready and able to fly at his bidding,
      quick to hear and do what he says.
   Bless God, all you armies of angels,
      alert to respond to whatever he wills.
   Bless God, all creatures, wherever you are—
      everything and everyone made by God.

   And you, O my soul, bless God!