Thirsty: for nothing but the Spirit

As I said in the previous post, this isn't just some fling. However, my convicted heart confesses here, that, due to the culture, I often have a short attention span. I quiver at the thought of waiting even a minuet more, let alone three, for just about anything. There are many moments when I am not faithful to God. I go off on my own ideas within a flash of a mili-second. The cool thing is though, He is loyal, even when I don't deserve it. He fills my empty-undeserving heart with His glory.
A huge part of the seasons that I've been through is learning that the partnership with the Holy Spirit isn't a democracy! I have NO vote with the decisions my Ruler decrees. Nor anyone else that has ever judged me, for that matter. It's the same for every other human being in this world. However, we do have choices! We do have our free-will within making decisions: either for or against God's truth. Yet, this isn't the point that I am getting at.
God's rule and reign over the earth is solid, unchangeable, nonnegotiable. This is what I wish to focus upon here. We must be willing to come to a place of admission; confessing we cannot be sanctified by our works alone. And ALLOWING God to change our hearts. Even through the little changes, it is still transformation. The Father will use us in any way that pleases Him. We should be submissive to that area as well.

For about three weeks now, the songs I mentioned previously, have been constantly on my heart. One night during those weeks I cried. In the bottom of my gut, I felt emptiness. Hunger. Desire to be satisfied. I feel that cannot contain this longing. I just cannot be content in any area. Within the day-to-day growing moments, or any area where I could speak the Gospel into another person's heart. Plus, there are a lot of little issues and then the future topics. The major things....well, for the sake of relevancy, are my decisions for next year. College or no college? Go off to Bible/Missions School or go into a Nursing program or something totally out of the blew? What can/will God do through my life??

Hahaha. Well let's see here. GOD IS GOD. That is that. End of story. Yessss! You see, what He does tomorrow, or the next five hundred tomorrows, is up to Him! Everyday since I was young, I have this tendency of resorting to the mess of imagining that I would be come the “next Jesus in the form of a woman". WHERE ON EARTH did that thought come into play??!?? I've pondered this, I'm not sure where that lie sneaked into my thoughts...probably a whole series of myths during my development. What I am certain of now though, is that God has totally corrected me on it!
I've found out that I am Lilly, daughter of The Most High, but there is only one Jesus. Yes, Christ is my bro – we're tight and all, but we are not the same. He is a man, but also FULLY God!! This makes my brain cramp thinking about it all! Ughh, this whole concept of even admitting I am tangled with my thoughts on Jesus, makes me feel so blank, empty, and worthless. I am SO undeserving of the many blessings God has done in and through my life. I realize that the times I feel insecure, are often my peak moments. Coming to know God a mile more, makes me feel like I've gone a fourth of an inch closer....as if I've gotten NO WHERE!

Yet, at the same time there is something I have actually been learning. God is the Ultimate Being, I am human being. Yeah, I have a small part in this great big existence, but it's a role at the very least. God can do whatever He wants. HE can fulfill, please, satisfy, and quench my being!!! Wow, it is about time I start holding onto this fact! For too longgg have I just passed the little things by; for too long have I invested my thinking on “Okay God, what do you want me to do in a year from now. What's on Your heart in five years?” - great questions for sure, but it's not the right context for me right now. Haha, how silly of me to be caught up in focusing on the details of my future life that involves a career, car payments, taxes and etc - when I pause to consider these things, I realize that all of the worrisome things are only part of the world's stuff. God is eternal. The desires of my heart have been seeded, and brought to my life so far, I'll just have journey along to see it all sprout up !

Focusing only on Him!
Because when I say, my thirst isn't quenchable, it is important for me to add on "by the world". I would be totally empty if I filled up on the earthly desires. For you see, my heart's true satisfaction can only come from my Beloved. The ONE whom I am hungry for.

In My Soul Longs For You, it captures an amazing phrase: “I believe you will come like the rain...You'll come like the rain. Pour out your Spirit... Mighty to save, come like the rain. Ohh I believe, I believe, I see the cloud, I know the rain is coming...So let it rain!!...we are thirsty God”

It's a declaration of agreement with the Holy Spirit; to say 'yes' to opening ourselves up, step out and into the Spirit! We cups that want to be filled.

Through our places in life, God wants us to want Him! To tell Him that. If we don't have a longing for Him, then we should ask Him for it. Not that we cannot engage in other areas such as learning about who He is, or doing the works of His son (which is ultimately a desire for Him). However, the Spirit will give us some form of desire for Him...even if it only begins with one day a week, or one minuet a day.

I just keep on getting the repeated phrase: this isn't just a fling. This time with Holy Spirit, isn't a brief moment in my youth when I am immature and silly. This isn't a hormonal phase; nor is this an empty adolescent space that I am trying to fill. THIS is the Glory of God's creation! To have His children LONG for Him. This isn't as if God is some random selfish-being, (remember, what He sent His Son to do?? SO Humbling). I guess God could be selfish if He really wanted to, but He is Perfect....in my opinion, that is a totally different than being selfish (which I DO realize is a completely diffferent topic, therefore I will try my hardest to stay on track...because I know I've gotten distracted within the hours of writing this...)
He is God Almighty – AND He knows it!
To simply reflect upon what I mentioned before, no matter what value we place upon our hearts, He determines the worth. He sees where our hearts lie! Also, no matter what area we are at in our life, it's important to remember that in EVERY area in our life we are to seek Him! As I wrote before, I am nearing the last three years of a female-teenager, I have dealt with most of the stages of puberty, the emotions, the unfamiliar PMS-ings. I know my weakness within the area of self-pity, along with the ADD that tends to dwell in my mind! I know it! God knows it too!
The point I am trying very hard to make, is the fact that it isn't about the “time” or “season” we are in....though it's nice to learn things every now and then.....what is MOST important is seeking the Holy Spirit. Through our longing for Him, we make decisions in our hearts! When our choices are genuinely intended for God's will, the Lord sees that!! Our free-will gets us in places. Maybe the consequences are not so great, or maybe they are. Either way GOD will use us as vessels. We don't need to worry about what situation God is distributing us to. He chooses. That is His will.

So, today, I leave you here with some thoughts, and this song.......(I've had some computer issues, hope the link works. If not, try YouTube!)

http://touch.dailymotion.com/#/video/xfrbvf_jesus-culture-my-soul-longs-for-you_music

Hungry: for Knowledge of this Romance

This past week alone, has been beyond my own mind. It is absolutely amazing to me how I have been hearing God's voice. Things that I previously have passed by are coming up to nudge me gently on the side. There is so much that is on my heart today, I'm finding it very hard to stretch out to one string of thread, so please understand that I am having a bit of difficulty weaving it all in. I love how Jesus has been teaching me. I am intensely in-love with my Savior; I am finding joy in the midst of areas of where I am being trained. It's a totally new “stage” I suppose. For, you see, I've gotten all wrapped up with questioning the transitions. Am I really going anywhere? Umm...I think yes?? Yeah, I am growing, but I don't necessarily see it all at once right now – which is nothing like my previous experiences!.....[in case you were wondering: yup that was a dry sarcasm remark].

My transitions are just the same as a first bike ride. I spent many afternoons with trial, practicing the bicycle. It's the same with any other person I am sure. Once we get up in that position of balance, we're set, but those beginning moments can be annoying and frightening. Any person can go through those phases I suppose, within any skill. Say playing an instrument – musical or any other kind; learning how to cook a grilled cheese without ending up with a burnt sandwich. Or even making good habits. I've heard it takes about 26-28 days for a habit to become solid. Things take time, but I also know, things will come together....eventually, someway or another.

Even as I ponder, then write out my thoughts here, I realize the relationship between different topics. I find myself trying to combined all my thoughts together – when in reality this is a blog. It will take me a good long while to sort out my thoughts. I must do things in a step-by-step process. I believe that within each passing moment, an opportunity can be grasped. No matter what situation, or context. So many facts and events seem to be flooding through research. Often....TOO often, they become the priority that we focus on. However, what if we just expanded the facts a bit by only exploring our own quirks, instead of what the scholars shout at us. Don't take me wrong, getting an education and a diploma is great. However, I simply mean to express that there are just somethings that require less of the books and more of us. Do we humans remember that thing called “common sense”? This takes wisdom. Wisdom comes from a drop of the Spirit: through a whim or a previous experience. In every instance, it is encouraged that we simply: try out best. It's all you can expect from yourself, or anyone else.

However frustrating it may seem to be in uncertain places, they are intended to be good. Though there is a line between a good growing place and a bad falling place. Both can be uncertain at times, but even still we can learn through them. In the area of growth, it is key that we listen to the motives of our heart. I often contemplate: “Am I second guessing simply because there is something wrong? Or am I pausing out of insecurity?” Perhaps it's too hard to tell. Everyone has there own little niche.

From my view, growth starts with the longing to go toward a goal. My little memory verse of the month (Hebrews 12:2) is based upon fixing our eyes on Jesus, because of who He is. It's amazing to me, how the majority of my questions are answered with just that. Are the actions we take based upon doing it for Jesus? Or another alternative? Although my flesh has denied me the ability to comprehend why my faith isn't always concrete, there is something else that has always been involved. What is a huge part of accomplishing goals, is having the hunger for it. Wanting more from a desire - not out of greed.

Let's take a DETOUR before we get to our final destination: gross-lustful-greed is not what we ought to pursue. There must be limits. Too much of a good thing can be bad. On a town road, a person cannot have too much speed – he/she will get pulled over, or in an accident. Nor can a cautious person do as they please and go a steady 3 mph on the turnpike on a clear day (road work, weather conditions and flying turtles are exceptions, but please, you get the idea).

Then, there is such a thing as good desire. In fact God has His own desires. He longs for us to spend time with Him. With that in mind, it's nice to know that we are made in His image, thus, we too have desires....ultimately, for Him.

Alright, no more off-roading...I promise!

I've been waiting to write about music, because I love it too much, but I figure now is a great time to chat about it! My favorite group is by far Jesus Culture. I often find myself in a lavishing-awe-struck state when I hear their music. So great! The recent CD that was released the end of last year, “Come Away”, ooo-ooo so great! I am similar to my father in my obsessiveness when it comes to repeating music. I listen to bits of the album, every day...not even exaggerating! SO good. Three songs in particular, have recently captured me. “Show Me Your Glory”, “My Soul Longs For You” and “I Want To Know You”. There are several themes within each, but I've been shown a particular meaning about seeking God. When I listen to these songs, I am taken to a place that is familiar, and yet I've never been there before. I've been pondering this, and I am going to focus this post and two more, based upon these songs. As I hear the lyrics going through my brain, I am reminded of the hunger we hold for God. Perhaps it's similar to the desire aspect, as I was mentioning briefly above.

I feel that as I go about my own issues, I am taken to a completely separate realm when I look upon the face of my Savior. It's so indescribable, so glorious. There's an awesome lyric in I Want To Know You: “You captivate me Lover of my soul. I give you my worship all of my passion. I give you my whole heart, all my devotion. Here I will bow down, say that I need you.” If you ever question what worship means it is passion; giving our WHOLE heart; devotion. Taking time to get to know each other.The relationship with Jesus – such a sweet romance!

AH, Yesss. A ROMANCE. Oh my goodness, that topic right there would be the greatest blog series! Can a single movie portray every single love story on the planet....nope. Not in my book. Can even one chick flick cover that one girl's lover? No, there are so many details, that even the couples in-love don't understand. I could give a whole different approach on this here...maybe I will someday...but to cover the basics today, it's a romance with devotion. This relationship with Jesus isn't just some fling; this is true and real. My mouth cannot speak the words with out being struck by agony over the fact that I am utterly speechless for my Beloved!

Being hungry for more of Him, brings us to places where we learn. We go after what we are thirsting for. His Spirit was given to our hearts for a reason! We must resort to Him in the midst of everything.

Let's get to know our Lover....

casting our weaknesses to reel in Strength

Sports are a subject I am not qualified to discuss. However, this past Sunday when I pursued the minister's words and my notes with prayer, an “analogy” came to mind. This is not similar to my (so far) usual practice of posting, but I figure, why not give it a try? Let's see where my ideas take us on these pages.......

In baseball, there are many positions. I am no expert, but I do know a thing or two about the players. There is a pitcher, a batter, a catcher, an umpire, a coach, and fielders. For my own little analogy I am going to ignore the catcher, fielders, and umpire – though I do understand that all are thoroughly important. I am going to highlight some specifics. Figuring that this baseball game (in my own head) only takes place during practice; there is no opposing team, it's just training time. The goal of the preparation is to be sure that everyone on the team is unified, and ready to stand against anything together.

Okay, so we have a pitcher, a coach, and a hitter. A pitcher has the intention to throw, and hopefully aim correctly to allow the bat to hit the ball. The coach, is the biggest cheerleader; the leading game player who is involved in conducting the player's strength and weaknesses to win the game. Alright, now the hitter comes along and takes strength and powers up to hit the ball. It takes mighty arms to be able to swing a bat, and be sure that the ball flies the distance to score. The batter that is up, has to have a bat. The style of the bat, very well may be one of the most valuable pieces of equipment. Obviously, you can't play the game without a stick, however, the design of the bat, is crucial. Some bats are made out of wood, others are made out of plastic or metal. Though there are more details that come into play, it's important to simply know that the bat is also key....and to know, I don't have anything else to add, because that's literally, ALL I have. Ultimately, when all positions are in place, and played out, a team is built and is strong.

Well, perhaps my three player example is too specific, yet too randomly expressed. I know there are other factors involved, but hey, this is what came to my mind.....where am I going with this, haha I'm working out the kinks here....

Psalm 55:22a

Cast your cares on the LORD, and he will sustain you;

To give a little summary of the message I heard, it's important to know the context. David (the author) tells about many sorrows, and tough times in his life. My pastor, describes the chapter as such: “verses 1-3 describe his despair because of his enemies. 4-8 he wants to fly on wings and flee away from his distress to be at rest. 9-15, he prays for justice for a situation with a close friend, who has ultimately betrayed him. Then in 22-23 he declares confidence in the Lord, casting cares on the Him.” Now, you can read this for yourself, but I fully believe in a supportive context and setting, thus I have given this summary.

The way David's story relates to us is what you might call: an understanding. Yes, we will have cares, but the key is to not be overcome by those cares. God wants us to know and learn how to not be overwhelmed. One phrase that I quoted in my notes, “God won't place us in a 'divine' bubble to protect us. We can live lives carefree, not a life without cares.” My biggest thing is not being bound, and living in a life of freedom, this just captures the definition of this walk. Yup, it is true that we will always be in a world with worry, fright, and concern, but those things do not and should not make us who we are. We are allowed to live in a life of liberty because of God's promise!

To keep to my usual pattern, here are a couple key sub-titles:

• Our place is to cast
• God's promise is to carry

We are not just a one man show, it takes togetherness. We must INTENTIONALLY cast the worries away! When I think of cast I think of fishing (which is odd, because I am nooo fisher-woman!). Yet, it makes sense. For when you cast your line out into the water, it is purposeful. During the message, several similes were given from the Greek definition of the word “cast”. Phrases and terms like: to hurl, to throw with energy; to fling with force; overthrow anything tangible. The things that come to mind, even as I write these words, is quite interesting...to my life anyway. When I think “hurl”, either similar to throw, or even more so similar to up-chucking. It's kinda gross, but to be honest our worries are gross and vile! Every fear, doubt, stronghold that we allow the enemy to take is sickening. When we have an upset stomach, whatever the cause or bug in our system, it is a relief to puke it out of our body. In the same way, we must rid ourselves of junk!

We can either take the load on our own, and thus live in a mentality that our pathway is greater than God's idea. OR we can come clean with our own emptiness and know we cannot handle much of anything, and give our hearts up to Jesus. We can chose to follow a path of condemnation, that only leads to us thinking more lies, telling us that The Spirit's love for us is weak. OR we can step out of our shame box and choose conviction, and have faith in the sword that comes from HIS mouth, and TRUST Him.

My advice? Whatever word rocks your mind, use it and put it into “I will FLING/THROW/HURL with enthusiasm and emphasis those things onto the Lord!” We must decide to do this, it's part of our freewill bargain. Yet, it's helpful to know that this isn't just a one human show (I like that phrase....I will use it again) THIS IS NOT A ONE HUMAN SHOW. Wow, what does it take for that fact to get through my brain!?! Jesus has also made a choice!! Something that caught my eye during the message, was the wording of imagery in the phrase “put it on God's shoulders.”

His promise is to carry, hold, sustain, endure, supply and attain our mess(es)!! My notes on the sermon flow to rhythm of something like this, “He will sustain you, help you. His promises never fall apart – on His side – in FAITH believe the promise of His word. Be EMPOWERED to cast cares on Him. If you pray...but nothing seems to happen, let Him hold onto it. He will help us to abide in Him. The God of ALL grace is COMMITTED.”

I was even pondering earlier this week, and totally had a renewable thought come in to play. The overall thought of “answered prayer” spiraled through my mind. I have a slow way of processing things when they are not 'logical'. I know God is mighty and all powerful, yet when I try to pray for healing (for others or self), I get all wordy. I cannot wrap my mind around just saying “In the name of the King be restored!” Like it's great and all, but are those words really enough? You can bet every single doubt that those words are enough!

I've read some scripture on this, and gee wiz it's great, but once the phrase “your faith has made you healed” I get all caught up in justification. The fact that I know justification is not a qualification for my walk gave me a nudge to pursue the right mindset on this. What I have heard in response – out of this world and beyond me. The thing that causes us to be healed is God. It is impossible for us to be 100% purely okay with the supernatural healing (other words, God's restoring touch). The idea is, even if our faith is itty bitty (say the size of a mustard seed) we can move mountains. Haha, O for so long, I never understood that! You see if we have just a seed of faith in God's will, than we are healed. Maybe it's through instant touch, or a series of years, God heals. God gave man the inspiration to medicine and treatments. And GOD gave the idea of touching Jesus' cloak. (Mathew 9:20-22)

Woohoo, I love serving a God so powerful! There is no greater reward than His goodness. And we must continuously go back to Him. I received some inspiring words Sunday, about how it's okay to give something up....again, again, and again. It's what God wants. When we truly give something up, the Lord consumes it. Don't you just looove definitions of words that are so awesome! Consuming just gives off a spine-chilllinggg-effect!

Even when the act of casting seems redundant, do it!! Ask Jesus to help you understand the meaning of handing it over to Him. He will answer, if you have the ears to hear Him. And if you are not familiar with “the hearing-aid-of-The-Spirit”...He will teach you. Believe me, He will!

My little comparison about baseball, kinda excites me. When my ears heard the expanded definition of cast: “to throw”, I was reminded of second grade, when I learned the difference between threw and through. I remember the imagery my teacher gave: “I went through a tunnel” and “I threw a ball”. And since threw is a past-tense of to throw. Well, the whole image of throwing a ball made me think of base ball. Thus every time I think of throw, I think of baseball (gosh that sounds a tad redundant...but hey, we are going to deal with it). Pitchers are always shown rubbing the ball, winding up their body to produce energy to be stored for the fling of the ball. Ironically, I don't really watch baseball, yet I somehow know just enough, so that when I pray God uses my little hints of wisdom for His greater purpose!

Mmmm, you know, even my weakest understandings can be expanded evermore deeper for God. The Most High, is with us through the long haul in our life! And He's ready to hit our pitches and consume them!!!