The Gentleman Who Perfectly Interrupts

I am having one particular struggle recently...being interrupted -  I seriously hate being interrupted. And it seems that my conversations with God and people are constantly being disturbed. OH it drives me bonkers!! I just want direct eye contact. I think that my conversations would not take as long if I wasn’t interrupted by something else. And you know, it’s not just other people cutting in, it’s the actual person I speak to…okay, and sometimes it’s my own wandering mind. Seriously. This world is breeding communicators with short attention spans. Gah!

SO  with this recent annoyance, I made an effort this past week, for starters, to press into quiet time. 

I was interrupted once. At first I threw my hands up, and said “That is it! I have nothing in me to keep on pursuing!"

BUT THEN! I was interrupted a second time, but by the quickening of the Spirit. I realized that the first interruption, was only one moment. It wouldn't be a waste if I tried to press in again.

I asked Him: “Okay. I position myself to you right here and now. Mmm. Show me any place that I have not trusted you with. Reveal something specific to me.”

By the end of the session of wading in His presence, it hit me: “Proverbs 3:5; Trust in the Lord your God, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

That is it. I have leaned on my own understanding. I have invested in my enjoyment of having everything be in the “right” way. I have resorted to OCD. OHH you have no idea how much of an eye opener this is for me!!

                                                                         

I like plans, I like to KNOW details. I like all my ducks in a row. I tend to have a strong desire to hide away when it comes to exposure. The biggest area for me is friendship. I have no clue why it has been a struggle to come out of my shell. I lack patience - and  I guess there is no time for patience, because all my breath is wasted on analyzing and correction!

I don’t like to be interrupted. 

Then, I was brought back to language. It is a given that my number one love language is encouraging words/words of affirmation. However! It has only been this year that I have figured out my second (maybe even new number one) is quality time.

What a revelation this is for me! There were so many social experiences when I felt hurt when no one gave me eye contact. I would so often sulk in feeling unnoticed. And yet, I had no clue why I was giving into these lies. I didn't know the source!

But now it’s like: ding ding ding!! That’s why I avoid speaking to people who are already talking, because I don’t want to interrupt. Now it makes sense when I can open up more in a smaller group of people instead of a larger group. I get it! I have this box where everything has to be in place. I prefer waiting for the “right time”. I even recognize how much I like to feel for other people. I like to give facial expressions….but only if it is a “safe” place to do it in.

It’s easy to express my passion with words, but it’s a different thing to express my passion with action.…..It’s a whole different adventure to move my heart to my feet….

I’ve made the action just this week to recognize my language, but also recognize that it’s not okay to take the extremes of situations. I need to let go on my understanding of “the right way.” And just go with the rhythm of grace. My agenda doesn't exist in the Kingdom. There is no superficial calendar of when the breaking of heaven will occur. I need to let go of constantly trying to have the "right" date and time!!

After all, He is my grace. And He is a wonderful gentleman – He knows the right time to interrupt and nudge me when I am leaning on my own understanding.

In fact, Jesus is the Ultimate Intercessor! He came and stood in the gap. He interrupted the punishment. He came in. What a God. What a Gentleman.

Retreat To The Core

Let me just come out and say it: I have made things too complicated. 

I suppose we all do. But recently, I notice a slight cockiness in the way I overload words, explanations, or appearance, attitude, and thoughts.

So I am retreating to the basics. Not in the sense of retreating out of defeat, but simply out of the fact that I can retreat. I am adjusting my perspective. Running towards Jesus. Not going back, but going forward under His shade. 

For this post I have a phrase: “when the music fades.”

This morning, during a Sunday school lesson for 4-6 year olds, we made flowers out of tissue paper with the kids. Our focus was on family love.

We had a song playing at the end, and let the kids dance along. They held their flowers and danced for a while. There was a good mix. Some were into it, while others were not all that sure about acting silly (which is totally fine and beautiful! Reminds me of how each and every child has their way of connecting).

One girl, in particular, was totally into it. As the music started settling down, she stayed in perfect rhythm. Even when the music was over, she continued on doing her thing. She had motions, and sways, that were elegant – in a little girl type of way. Oh her dress twirled back and forth. In her sandals, she tried to move on her tip-toes, and glided her arms this way and that. She was focused on what she was doing. Almost performing, I suspect that she has taken some classes. But she genuinely seemed to be enjoying herself! 

Mmm. Even when the music faded, when other kids “got it” and moved on….she kept on dancing.

What an image.

I had a moment.

Which brought me to this….

I remember singing this when I was in kids church. There was something that happened, when I just made it about Him. Not that I’d really even made it about anyone else, I wasn’t the type to want people to notice me. Instead, I would often struggle with my thoughts drifting, this way and that.  

I made it all about Jesus when I opened up my heart, once I took off the “bowling-bumpers”, and left out the hesitation. 

We can stay in rhythm of His heartbeat, even when we convince ourselves we cannot hear. Even when the trip to the mountain is over….we can align ourselves to His Spirit and Word.

Even when the obvious ministry at church "ends" on a Sunday….there is room for more.

My goal this week, is to simply love the people living in my home. Maybe even by their language instead of mine. Even though we all share the same DNA, each person in my family is very unique. May this post hold me accountable to go to the simple true worshiping heart.