As I said in the previous post, this isn't just some fling. However, my convicted heart confesses here, that, due to the culture, I often have a short attention span. I quiver at the thought of waiting even a minuet more, let alone three, for just about anything. There are many moments when I am not faithful to God. I go off on my own ideas within a flash of a mili-second. The cool thing is though, He is loyal, even when I don't deserve it. He fills my empty-undeserving heart with His glory.
A huge part of the seasons that I've been through is learning that the partnership with the Holy Spirit isn't a democracy! I have NO vote with the decisions my Ruler decrees. Nor anyone else that has ever judged me, for that matter. It's the same for every other human being in this world. However, we do have choices! We do have our free-will within making decisions: either for or against God's truth. Yet, this isn't the point that I am getting at.
God's rule and reign over the earth is solid, unchangeable, nonnegotiable. This is what I wish to focus upon here. We must be willing to come to a place of admission; confessing we cannot be sanctified by our works alone. And ALLOWING God to change our hearts. Even through the little changes, it is still transformation. The Father will use us in any way that pleases Him. We should be submissive to that area as well.
For about three weeks now, the songs I mentioned previously, have been constantly on my heart. One night during those weeks I cried. In the bottom of my gut, I felt emptiness. Hunger. Desire to be satisfied. I feel that cannot contain this longing. I just cannot be content in any area. Within the day-to-day growing moments, or any area where I could speak the Gospel into another person's heart. Plus, there are a lot of little issues and then the future topics. The major things....well, for the sake of relevancy, are my decisions for next year. College or no college? Go off to Bible/Missions School or go into a Nursing program or something totally out of the blew? What can/will God do through my life??
Hahaha. Well let's see here. GOD IS GOD. That is that. End of story. Yessss! You see, what He does tomorrow, or the next five hundred tomorrows, is up to Him! Everyday since I was young, I have this tendency of resorting to the mess of imagining that I would be come the “next Jesus in the form of a woman". WHERE ON EARTH did that thought come into play??!?? I've pondered this, I'm not sure where that lie sneaked into my thoughts...probably a whole series of myths during my development. What I am certain of now though, is that God has totally corrected me on it!
I've found out that I am Lilly, daughter of The Most High, but there is only one Jesus. Yes, Christ is my bro – we're tight and all, but we are not the same. He is a man, but also FULLY God!! This makes my brain cramp thinking about it all! Ughh, this whole concept of even admitting I am tangled with my thoughts on Jesus, makes me feel so blank, empty, and worthless. I am SO undeserving of the many blessings God has done in and through my life. I realize that the times I feel insecure, are often my peak moments. Coming to know God a mile more, makes me feel like I've gone a fourth of an inch closer....as if I've gotten NO WHERE!
Yet, at the same time there is something I have actually been learning. God is the Ultimate Being, I am human being. Yeah, I have a small part in this great big existence, but it's a role at the very least. God can do whatever He wants. HE can fulfill, please, satisfy, and quench my being!!! Wow, it is about time I start holding onto this fact! For too longgg have I just passed the little things by; for too long have I invested my thinking on “Okay God, what do you want me to do in a year from now. What's on Your heart in five years?” - great questions for sure, but it's not the right context for me right now. Haha, how silly of me to be caught up in focusing on the details of my future life that involves a career, car payments, taxes and etc - when I pause to consider these things, I realize that all of the worrisome things are only part of the world's stuff. God is eternal. The desires of my heart have been seeded, and brought to my life so far, I'll just have journey along to see it all sprout up !
Focusing only on Him!
Because when I say, my thirst isn't quenchable, it is important for me to add on "by the world". I would be totally empty if I filled up on the earthly desires. For you see, my heart's true satisfaction can only come from my Beloved. The ONE whom I am hungry for.
In My Soul Longs For You, it captures an amazing phrase: “I believe you will come like the rain...You'll come like the rain. Pour out your Spirit... Mighty to save, come like the rain. Ohh I believe, I believe, I see the cloud, I know the rain is coming...So let it rain!!...we are thirsty God”
It's a declaration of agreement with the Holy Spirit; to say 'yes' to opening ourselves up, step out and into the Spirit! We cups that want to be filled.
Through our places in life, God wants us to want Him! To tell Him that. If we don't have a longing for Him, then we should ask Him for it. Not that we cannot engage in other areas such as learning about who He is, or doing the works of His son (which is ultimately a desire for Him). However, the Spirit will give us some form of desire for Him...even if it only begins with one day a week, or one minuet a day.
I just keep on getting the repeated phrase: this isn't just a fling. This time with Holy Spirit, isn't a brief moment in my youth when I am immature and silly. This isn't a hormonal phase; nor is this an empty adolescent space that I am trying to fill. THIS is the Glory of God's creation! To have His children LONG for Him. This isn't as if God is some random selfish-being, (remember, what He sent His Son to do?? SO Humbling). I guess God could be selfish if He really wanted to, but He is Perfect....in my opinion, that is a totally different than being selfish (which I DO realize is a completely diffferent topic, therefore I will try my hardest to stay on track...because I know I've gotten distracted within the hours of writing this...)
He is God Almighty – AND He knows it!
To simply reflect upon what I mentioned before, no matter what value we place upon our hearts, He determines the worth. He sees where our hearts lie! Also, no matter what area we are at in our life, it's important to remember that in EVERY area in our life we are to seek Him! As I wrote before, I am nearing the last three years of a female-teenager, I have dealt with most of the stages of puberty, the emotions, the unfamiliar PMS-ings. I know my weakness within the area of self-pity, along with the ADD that tends to dwell in my mind! I know it! God knows it too!
The point I am trying very hard to make, is the fact that it isn't about the “time” or “season” we are in....though it's nice to learn things every now and then.....what is MOST important is seeking the Holy Spirit. Through our longing for Him, we make decisions in our hearts! When our choices are genuinely intended for God's will, the Lord sees that!! Our free-will gets us in places. Maybe the consequences are not so great, or maybe they are. Either way GOD will use us as vessels. We don't need to worry about what situation God is distributing us to. He chooses. That is His will.
So, today, I leave you here with some thoughts, and this song.......(I've had some computer issues, hope the link works. If not, try YouTube!)
http://touch.dailymotion.com/#/video/xfrbvf_jesus-culture-my-soul-longs-for-you_music
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