L is for Live Learn Love

Every inch of the way:

Live to learn

Live to love

Learn to love

Learn to live

Love to learn

Love to live

August 2013, I planned on taking some classes at a community college. I had no idea really what I was getting myself into - though, I pretended I did. I went in to an office, took a test, ALMOST registered.....but oops, I was late, all classes on the subject had been filled.

So, I was disappointed.

But hey! Spring semester comes next!

And, I registered right on time!!! Excitement overwhelmed me!

A few weeks later, I read an email: "you are past due for your payment."

What?! I didn't get anything in the mail? No "warning" email. No one told me a way or how to pay online. I didn't ask questions, poke around, and never even thought to look for the "billing" tab on the left sidebar. 

Oops again! 

A familiar knot tied in my chest.

Flashbacks:

- failing the driving test three times.

- passing on the fourth try.

- great lisence photo as evidence

- gas money

- loud music

- great car moments

This means: 

- missing important steps

- I'm gonna be working more.

- Bills are gonna get payed. 

- I'm gonna save. 

- I'm gonna eat good. 

- I'm gonna hit evey step next time.

So, I do many annoying things.

Everytime, I always have two choices:

A. I could choose to be disgusted, ticked off, quit and call myself silly names for missing it.

B. I could choose to be a champion, happy person, move on and call myself "a human being worthy of respect, patience, perseverance, and wholeness."

I like option B. (Sometimes, I take option "C. Both A. and B.")

A Ritual

I had barefoot summers as a kid. I remember one time, my Mimi saw the bottom of my feet. She had me sit on the bathroom counter, and soak in the sink. 

I think of that time tonight - and many nights before - with my feet soaking.

This ritual didn't start as a kid...because after I soaked my toes in my Mimi's sink, my shoes still stayed inside. (Pretty sure my feet flattened and widened nicely because of those summers!)

A year ago, one if my spiritual mamas said "don't forget to soak your delicates tonight!"

I remember giving her a questioning look!

She giggled at my response and explained:

Delicates = Feet.

And every day since then, most of our parting words have been "don't forget to soak your delicates tonight!"

It's a sacred moment.

.....ahhh. Feet truly deserve to be called delicates, and to be treasured at the end of each and everyday.

After soaping, subbing, and scrubbing....I dry my dels, and lotion up!

When I focus on my feet, I see other parts of me that are equally as precious. Tonight, I reach for my toes, I find my legs. I have great legs. I know because my momma told me so. And she knows great legs - she has a great pair! I have my mama's genes!

Usually, this pampering leads to shaving, brushing teeth, flossing, face washing, toner-izing, nail shaping, nail painting, etc.

I listen to any music I please. I feel girly - maybe a little womanly. I hardly think, I only say sweet words.

      Like I said, a sacred moment.

here we are

{Drum roll please}

TADAA!!! Yipeeee!!

This is my 50th post!

Whew, what an adventure this has been! In all honesty, I wasn't sure, I'd make it this far, hahaha!! Oh but here I am :) For the sake of being real with you, I must explain my woes and yays that I have had with this blog...

I started totally unaware of the blogging culture, and unaware of my own writing style. I stuck my toes in, and tested it out. Blogging has become a great classroom for me. 

I've battled with doubtful questions like: "what if someone sees right through my wrong perspective and grammar?" "What if no one takes what I offer?" and "What if someone doesn't fancy my style?"

At the same time, I've written and learned a lot. My writing has unlocked treasures that had been stored in my heart.

In this process, I have progressed. My posts reflect my dreams, ideas, firm beliefs, vague wanderings...and a few that make even me wonder: "do I agree with that sentence?"....and that's okay, I've had fun with it all!!

Backing up a bit....my writing didn't start with this blog, it started in journals. MANY journals. 

In school, a few teachers told me to pursue writing further. So, I took some extra extra classes, payed close attention to English teachers and admired other writer's styles.

Eventually, I noticed my hand would often write: "we, us, our". My own thoughts moved towards speaking as a member of a gathering. My pen went beyond my own entertainment...and craved to speak up.

I also wanted to share my writings in a form that didn't necessarily require correct grammar, spelling or accuracy.

In 2011, I wrote a poem (pasted below) about taking what was in my heart and walking it out daily; living in the fullness of Lilly with God, people, and myself. I originally wrote it to God, but I read it now, and can hear myself speaking to other relationships. I move my heart to my feet in every area of my life. 

When my physical feet are on the move, the rest of me follows. And when my Heart is moved, my feet follow.

My feet and heart united, and I started blogging.

How do you think I am doing so far?

(Heart To Feet,

By Lilly Files)

Pour Your truth into my heart.

Your love remains and will not dart.

Tightly grip may hand.

Teach me all You demand.

Shame is replaced with a life brand new.

Put thoughts in my mind that are true.

Only a bold faith can allow me to grow.

So stretch me to things I may not know.

Fill me up with grace

For the whole human race.

Stir up my soul,

Like soup in a bowl.

Hold my face up to your face;

Keep my walk to a steady pace

Set the rhythm of my steps to a steady beat,

And I'll move my heart to my feet.

Feb-arch-pril-ay-une....(February-June)

Ha! MY, MY! I've only waited a few months to type up a post! Oops!


1. Aha! I remembered: recipie for black bean burritos :) There are a few variations...and I haven't tried Daiya cheese...but that might be fun to experiment with!
http://ohsheglows.com/2011/10/24/black-bean-and-butternut-squash-burritos/

2. February was Love Month. Each day we wrote five ways we experienced love. The things we focus on really do make a difference! It's like a window in your house - you either pass by it, or tilt your eyes towards it and look at the view.

3. March was....quick!

4. April....even quicker!

5. May held my birthday, end of school, and flying back to Maine!!

6. June started my Summer!!! We've had beautiful heat...and beautiful rainy days!


I believe I have broke my record of "Books Read In A Year" -- some were read over last summer, others from this summer, most are from school, but I did manage to add a few to go along with the assigned reading....I hope I record them all ;)

* The Many Are One, Francis Frangipane
* When Heaven Invades Earth, Bill Johnson
* Hosting The Presence, Bill Johnson
* The Supernatural Ways Of Royalty, Kris Vallotton

* Experiencing Father's Embrace, Jack Frost

* 30 Days To Understanding The Bible, Max Anders

* Moral Revolution - The Naked Truth About Sexuality, Kris Vallotton & Jason Vallotton

* Spirit Wars, Kris Vallotton

* Grasping God's Word, Duvall Hays
* A Practical Guide To Evangelism - Supernaturally, Chris Overstreet
* Culture Of Honor, Danny Silk
* The Happy Intercessor, Beni Johnson
* God's Generals, Roberts Liardon
* Powerful And Free, Danny Silk
* God Loves Ugly, Christa Black
* Getting Naked Later, Kate Hurley
* The Power of Habit
*Audrey Hepburn, An Elegant Spirit, by Sean Hepburrn Ferrer
* The Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship Of The Ring

* And a couple of teaching books I found at Goodwill

....Please know, I've also had the biggest social life ever, and have grown with many dear friends....(I haven't worked much, up until this summer) you really can have it all ;)

Decembuary

The month of December was a nice conclusion to 2012...with the exception of having a cold for Christmas...all in all, it was a fine month! Went on a ropes course, learned how to properly use a pool stick! To add to my learnings: I successfully blew up a balloon (I don't think I've ever blown one up before - I wasn't really into balloons as a kid! No idea why, because it's kinda fun to figure out the right method of blowing one up!)

This January - gosh is it really the end of January already! Yikes! I can't keep track of time! Well, this month seems to have been pretty steady.

Highlights:

* Watched Napoleon Dynamite for the first time EVER....actually laughed! I've been avoiding the movie because I heard it wasn't my humor...and I heard right. But since I watched it in this particular season, I'm willing to watch it again....next year maybe!

* Another first: Get Smart - a movie that also brought some great laughs with friends!

* Went to the movie theater to watch The Promise Land. Different humor, but interesting message.

* Had a second cold...but knocked it out in five days. Carrot/apple juice is the best treatment!

* Officially caught onto Downton Abbey.

* Frogs or toads have surrounded our house!!! Crazy social reptiles. Totally random....but they're enjoying themselves and causing a commotion!

* Went hiking with some fine company on a fine day - saw a bit of snow [GASP!]

* Butternut Squash Burritos....which will be in my next post :) :)

* Been running at the last five minuets of my walks....pretty excited!!

And that's the nutshell basically!

Long Lost Thoughts

Brains tend to think.

There so many thoughts that run through a person's head daily! Do you realize how much you think in the process of a moment?

The complexity of a mind isn't something I ever want to attempt to understand fully. As I simply try to leave out my own finiteness of comprehending the brain - a migraine is breeding!

Lately, my thoughts have been exploring the vastness of their own design. Particularly, the species of creative thoughts.

[something else to ponder: are all thoughts creative?]

Creative thoughts urge on dreams.

Some creative thoughts are very realistic. They tend to be great camping sites. They add to the list of things to do in a day. Realistic thoughts are inventors of new industries. They cultivate something to chase after and design desire within a soul. They ultimately have potential; realistic thoughts grow and age as time invests in them. About 97% of the time (from my own estimation of course!) these ideas take some sort of action.

Some creative thoughts are not so realistic. These tend to be the dreams that are in and out - like fast food. Quick, simple and little investment or sacrifice of time made. I'd say these thoughts don't follow with an action 99.47% of the time. Yet, like fast food (healthy or not) they add weight to the movement of thoughts.

I've taken a yonder to pondering that these unrealistic thoughts or young ideas are still creative, and thus should go somewhere.

I'd like to think that these thoughts are the things that link the good camping sites together. In order to GET TO someplace....you have to GET first. You must journey through a trail that connects by being in-between start and destination.

I wouldn't call young ideas "connecting thoughts", but rather bumps, roots, pebbles, shrubs, leaves, mushrooms, the occasional deer, moose, etc. These thoughts are not required, nor are they the same among every trail...but they do tend to naturally occur along the way. A moose would probably be remembered, but the number of rocks, dirt and twigs seen, would most likely not be treasured in one's heart.

With the value of these young ideas, I feel like once they are done being a focus in one's mind....they become like the long lost boys from Peter Pan. They never grow old, but are far off in Neverland. I'd like to think they are participating in some sort of adventure.

Maybe they should be called long lost thoughts? [Haha, I'm sure there are researchers out in the world who actually name these types of thoughts....but I like my made up ones].

There are many that I do not remember quite well....but the other day I was thinking of how silly some seem now. When I was a kid, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up...but occasionally, I had a few long lost thoughts concerning my future...and, I kind of wanted to become a nun, or an astronaut [haha, I know].

Long lost thoughts are fun fun....and give contribution of our wonderful noggins.

Imagination

Here is great marvel to behold. Probably a favorite landmark of mine. It is found from within. Oh here holds destinies and here is where undiscovered memories are created.

This is the spot where a ship's captain calls sails to be open wide. Here is the place for the watchmen to gaze upon the water's surface for any curious sea creatures wanting a royal ship for a snack.

Here is where the captain is actually a woman searching the earth for her lost lover. No one is deceived, for she plays the role of a seaman well. Her hair kept brief, and cheeks left bare.

She inherited her sea legs from a long line of fishermen. Once, long ago, she used to twirl in skirts and slippers, but now she marches in heavy boots.

Even though she isn't clothed in powder, her beauty hasn't faded. Her face is enhanced by dirt and salt. She appears to have grown hard, and frightening....but her heart remains tender these long aching years of tracking down her lover.

At this same place, her lover is on distant shore taking down dragons. His crew was shipwrecked long ago. He has forgotten the day, along with the taste of wine...yet, remembers his fair one. She remains to be the forefront of his thoughts.

This is the place where nothing separates true love. Right here in my very own imagination.

November's Reflection

Life is certainly not void of change! Funny how with every new week there is something new to wrap my brain around; time is faithful to provide refreshing feelings through my nerves.

When I was breathing in the moment of last week, it was present for me. Right now I am breathing in the present, yet also realizing that the presence of now takes space of something that will at some point be the future's memory.

SO today....I am intentionally capturing a moment of time to gather the highlights of last month!

* Thanksgiving was loads of joy! Ate the BEST chocolate cream pie I've ever tasted...along with the most delicious cranberry sauce! Made some sweet memories in the kitchen, and new friends that have become family!

* I had my first cup of COCONUT TEA! Why have my taste buds gone so long without it??

* Within school, I am taking a year long class once a week on children's ministry. Each week blows my mind away! Truly enjoying it!

* Every Saturday I to a Community Feast - where groups of people to out to different spots around town feeding a lunch to specific neighborhoods. I am so honored to build relationships with the people living in this town! So many unique hearts! I cherish each one!

* I have been learning how to have fun! Lately, when something new or silly arises, I tell myself "Don't worry about being good at it...just do it anyway, and have fun!" Doing something fun, doesn't always mean its doing something you've done over and over again....then again, fun can also be found in redundancy. Fun isn't mastered, it's enjoyed.

* There is a great deal of importance in being intentional. Everything has purpose! Applying effort into things (even this blog) is HUGE. Keeping Good Habits molds my lifestyle - - my lifestyle makes a dent in history! And history of course, changes the world. Something remarkable happens when we grab ownership of weighty forcible power. I take charge of the responsibility of loving myself well - keeping up with laundry, cleaning, eating, sleeping, talking to myself, pampering, being fun, and having quality connection with people.


And with that I wrap up November...and am overjoyed for what's in store for the end of this year!!

October's Reflection...

And so, the month is coming to a close.

What has been happening with me?
Hahaha. Well...

School is wonderful.
Homework is worth every effort.
Community is great! SO great.
Learning a lot through experience.
The exploration of Redding is expanding.

To Tell Of The Best Adventures:

* Went to SpoonMe. A creatively named, yummy frozen yogurt spot (frozen yogurt is a hit here). It's all self serve. Soo many toppings to choose from. I loved it!

* Went on a hike with a group from school. We had an amazing time, despite the fact that it was the only chilly overcast day! Saw awesome waterfalls. And when the next opportunity arises I WILL go down the natural water slide, and swim! It's an awesome spot.

* Found an impressive walking trail!! I'm going to try to make it more of a routine next month, but I've mostly jaunted out 2-3 times a week.

* Today (Saturday) I finally started my activation!! I am a part of Community Feast. There are about 5-6-ish, I'd say groups in the ministry. Each group has a designated location somewhere in town, and every Saturday we go out to the same place. My group set up in the parking lot by a motel and apartment complex.

Community Feast has been serving in this spot for years, so the neighborhood knows what's up. As we were setting up to feed, a line formed. I am not that great with numbers, but maybe 20-30 (?) people came out. We had beans, cornbread, and bagels. It was a good first day. Feel like it's going to be great as the relationships build throughout the year.


Okay. How was that? I feel like I'm in a totally different world! I am not used to explaining the day-to-day occurrences! But What can I explain deeper? What can I write more about? What would you like to know most? What words do I overuse? (let's hope my writing skills improve too)

BEFORE the "End Of November Update" - just like this October post - there will be bits inbetween the lines. (ie: recipes, revelations, beauty-encounters, travels, poems, etc.)

I have to experience then process. This adventure holds a lot to digest and balance....At the same time, I am figuring out how to honor my family by keeping them in the loop. I'm learning, please, be patient with me!

Ask me questions...if you're reading!
I'd love comments :)

Learning how...

"If I miss the mark all together...Let me just and only know love. Down to the depths of my heart, I permit love to meet needs this year..."

Well, literally right after that declaration was made in a journal last month, I came across a need: loving myself.

I recalled a spiritual mom mentioning something awhile back, "can you write down 100 dreams?"

Sticking with a list, I positioned myself to write fifty ways to love myself...it was really hard!!! Yet so needed. And I actually came up with 5 extra!! Some point I'll add 45 more, to make 100....for the present, this is progress!!

For about two months now, I have been trying to implement at least one each day! And I'm becoming mindful of a lifestyle that requires me to truly love who I am...have I been faithful? Nooo, but I am working on it :)

55 WAYS TO LOVE

1.) pamper (ie: paint nails)

2.) breathing in and out eight times

3.) stretching exercises

4.) walk

5.) put good foods in my body

6.) smile for one whole minuet

7.) read a non-required book

8.) movie night

9.) invest in quality time with Papa

10.) invest myself in others

11.) open up to others when it feels hard

12.) run {when timing is appropriate}

13.) play soccer

14.) do a puzzle

15.) color with crayons and markers

16.) paint

17.) hit the sweet spot (ie: chocolate)

18.) drink tea

19.) balance financial needs

20.) tithe {when having an income}

21.) hike

22.) take time for hair/accessories

23.) record a hundred dreams

24.) write 50 absolutely silly things

25.) write poetry

26.) come up with 30 topics to write about

27.) write a few stories

28.) lead/teach something

29.) play the piano

30.) practice drums

31.) hum

32.) sing a song

33.) list ten absolutely CRAZY uncomfortable steps out of my familiar bubble

34.) email a good friend

35.) re-read an old note from a friend

36.) look over journals

37.) dance - very silly

38.) laugh so hard it hurts

39.) shout

40.) cook something yummy

41.) memorize a sweet scripture

42.) try new foods

43.) try something new

44.) embrace a deep fear

45.) be comfortable

45.) dress up - for the heck of it

46.) dress casually

47.) hang out in pajamas

48.) sit in quiet

49.) speak my heart

50.) cry in someone else's arms

51.) don't take matters too seriously

52.) talk about what I care about

53.) listen to other's stories

54.) let the Spirit do it...I won't try to force anything upon myself, until the timing is just so.

55.) use imagination and play pretend with a child