giving all that's within me...

Writing this post brought me back to this song. Lyrics were in my head for weeks, after first hearing it. Definitely brings a simple elegance to one's heart.....

One night, when I was about four, I asked God a simple request: help my future husband. I left it at that, and then continued down the list of people to lift up (which at that age, were anyone who’s face I could recall from that day). I certainly wasn’t an avid prayer warrior....but the "lay me down to sleep" method was just enough to draw me deep in God’s heart for something to stick. I can’t tell you the date I started this prayer for my special someone, but I can recall as a kid occasionally wishing a happy day for that guy that’s some place out in the world. And even in recent years, I still have invested some precious prayers into the man of my dreams. 

I don’t even have a name picked out, nor do I hold an image of his figure...I'm not concerned by that. Somehow, not knowing makes it that much more romantic. As a young single woman, I've set down boundaries. Even with my controlling-need-to-know-everything-now mentality I am content in this area of knowing that there’s an unknown day when there will be a spark with Mr. Right. For now, I am content with just praying, “help him”.

There has been a high value of marriage in my heart. No doubt that God planted it there from an early age. More so at my recent age, I’ve seen how much Jesus has taught me. I am so thankful for the way He has brought me into a position of knowing the value of matrimony. We all have our delightful journey, but I am very much enjoying this path He has me on. 

By giving myself to Jesus first – before any man – He has shown me greatly what it means to give myself to a man. In relationship with the Lord, I’ve been up some mountains and walked across some valleys. I have struggles, joys, tears, wonders, etc…and it all brings glorious treasures.

A while ago, I wrote in my journal a glimpse of the status with Christ and the status I have with my somebody. With this being heavily on my heart and with the relevancy of me taking the truth out of my heart, I’ll set out a portion of my words:

Lord, help me do this. You’re exposing me right now. I do not like this feeling of being opened up. But tune me into Your Spirit. Draw me in to the same pattern as You. Carry me in. Carry me in. Carry me in.

I see myself walk through the front door of our dwelling place. I slide off my worn sole shoes. Hang my coat in the closet. I turn to the hallway towards our bedroom….yet collapse out of exhaustion. I lay down for just a moment. Only rise again when your arms lift me up off the floor. You carry me in. You prepare me for a nights rest, place me on the bed, and wrap your strong arms firmly around me. You do not let go…your grasp does not lighten. Finally a rest from the day. Here in our sanctuary, in the midst of each other’s arms we find each other - no matter what life circumstance. Though some days we sing, cry, laugh, speak straight truth…today we just embrace the presence of our love. We find grace for the moment. We dwell in the foundation of our relationship, and the promise of what is yet to come for us both....

So Lord help me tonight. Help my future husband. Somewhere under the canopy of stars, he is my love. May he know that I am here. Just as You, Jesus, have planted truth within me, seed within him too. Let him know, some place within, that he is not alone. Tell him of the wife You hold FOR him. And so, remind me of this wife I am titled as. I am the one whom his arms will be around; the one who will go to him in the beauty of the glories of life’s adventures. I am the one. When my heart is troubled, I will go to him. When my being is bursting with giddiness, he will be the first I share the giggles with. 

Let him know that as his wife, I will submit to his direction; I will uplift and encourage him on as he pursues You God. I will care for his wounds when we return from the mountains. I am that woman who will give life to babies. I will nurture children with a mothering touch. I will not manage to be perfect, but by my vow I will be adorned by the Spirit. A reflection of your heart was placed within my being before my time existed – so may I pursue that reflection deeper.

God is my Director in life. He is my refuge. The place I trust. Just as I have walked with the Lord, so I will walk with my husband. Together we are being prepared for such a wedding feast! When I reflect on the romance I have with you, Jesus, let me see the relationship established for my husband. Since I have had days when I fall at Your feet, and days when I have danced delightfully…may the days when I fall before my husband and when I dance with him be similar. Be our guide in our married life. Bless my husband. I can see it will be an extravagant romance. May we have pure hearts…no matter our past…let us be pure in heart and thought. I give all that’s within me to You Father, because You’ve helped me open up….and when that special day arrives, help me open up the doors to him as well.

      O Jesus. Help my love.