One night last week, we had pancakes for dinner. Determined and confident in my cooking skills, I set off to make them alone. Hey, it's pancakes right? What could be so difficult about making them? Well, let me just say that once I poured the batter on the pan, I gave up and walked away. Now, don't think me a nut - before I stormed off to my “I cannot do this!” mode, I left it all to my very gracious mother. She saved the day for sure. In the end the cakes were tasteful. However in the moment, I got all teary-eyed. Then I asked myself, why? Why had I become all worked up over something so minuscule? I thought about the many recent moments when I have just given up. For instance, practicing driving in reverse, doing something different with my hair, working on SAT prep, finishing my algebra II homework and etc.
Often times, I think we all hold patience and grace for others, yet none for ourselves. Maybe my thoughts are not statistically correct, but it is a tenancy for a lot of people.
I've been reading in Genesis. Most recently in chapters 25:19-34; 32-33
In about seven and a half chapters it describes three very define things.
The moral, basically, is that it is so important for us to not throw away our destiny, what God ultimately has in store for us. For story telling sake, Jacob later receives Isaac's blessing that was intended for Esau. That's crazy, and deceptive! Esau lost his birthright, and the true blessing from his father!! He must have been angry, considering the time period! Well, I'll let you read the Word to know it fully...
The second important event that follows, is when Jacob goes to find a wife. He travels to his father's homeland. Prior to his arrival, Jacob goes through a journey (28:10-22). He has a dream in Bethel. Later, in verse 16 Jacob thinks to himself: “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” How awesome is that?? I mean, wow. Even in our ungraceful moments, God works through them.
Maybe we have a day, a week, or even a few months, where we are not walking as He intended us to walk out our lives. He is still working in us and around us. Jacob calls that particular place“Bethel; house of God”. Doesn't that just pump you up? To just know that we are allowed to continually go back to Him, even in a conflicted state. And also, it kinda gives confirmation, that the little things in life are SO important to work in.
Jacob would never have found his wife, if he didn't first put one foot in front of the other. In the same way, it is also true for us. Except, in our story and in our walk today, it's about God's house being inside of us. God chose to get even closer than skin covering our organs!
Thirdly, after getting married and having children, Jacob and his family go through different trials. Many situations occur along the years. At one point, Jacob finally returns home, travels to see his brother. Jacob does so very humbly. It truly inspires my heart, how humble we should be in everything we do. He states repeatedly “If your eyes find favor in me” “Your servant sends many gifts before him.” and “If you find favor in your servant...”. One thing that has just tied me up, is trying to justify myself. I always say things that are like: “Oh well.....BUT...” I am always using the terms but, yet, however, although, etc. As if to cover up something. It's silly, but it's so true! Ha, I just did it. Jacob makes a statement to his brother, that if only Esau could forgive him, and accept the many gifts. At first, it made a knot in my stomach. I so often feel unworthy of grace. I feel I must earn it, a lot of the time.
But WAIT, it's important to remember, the story takes place in the Old Testament. Jesus has not come in Genesis, just yet. The people therefore had to give an offering to earn forgiveness. In addition, Esau didn't demand anything from his brother. He refused to accept anything from Jacob, until the persistence prevailed. Maybe God doesn't demand anything from us, but He'll take whatever we offer Him. I don't think it matters to HIM though, how much we plead with Him. He accepts us. Yeah, it is important to sacrifice our lives for Him; to have more of Him and less of us, but that doesn't mean we are invisible! God uses us in many, many ways. We could never ever make it up to Him. We are human. We are merely human. He is beyond even our best humble speech. The most “holiest” of a man could never even come close to fulfilling God. He cannot be fulfilled by us!! He is already full and complete without us. But He so longs for us to be with Him!
I recently have returned from a women's retreat (there's so much more, I will go into on a later day), and many women spoke to my heart deeply in this way. One beautiful woman said to me, “God trusts you with this...”. I honestly was taken back, realized, I had to deal with what I was hearing!! The Almighty God trusts me?? Me!? An adolescent who holds so many, many imperfections! A woman who has dozens of emotional roller-coasters daily is trusted by God?
Another word, “You are loved by the Lord who is your Husband. One who can touch you in places and ways, NO other man could!” That is so true. When I first heard it said, I felt it was an interesting, intimate way of interpreting our relationship with God. The truth is though, IT IS THE TRUTH! He is so intimate. It's crazy to think that way, but it's crazy not to think that way! Our God is perfect. He is the image of a firm marriage. Persisting commitment....for ETERNITY!
Okay, back to Genesis....Jacob was humble going forth to see his brother. Now, I know I haven't written a book here, but remember Esau? The guy I just told you about? (you should totally p-a-u-s-e reading this blog, and read it in the Bible, if you haven't already!) Esau gave up his birthright to Jacob. Then, on top of that, Jacob dressed up in the place of Esau. Basically, the guy who stole Esau's blessings was coming back to see him. Crazy! Think of a modern day situation. You have even a disagreement with a family member, then leave. Would you want to return and mend things? I can honestly say, I'm not so sure if I would! I would feel so un-welcomed, and discouraged to go back to a situation that may have been left broken. I would have hesitation.
Jacob was humble. Bowed to the ground seven times as he walked to Esau. Totally read this in the word if you haven't. In the past week, I've read it out, repeatedly, and was like whoa. It touched me so much. Chapter 33:4 “But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept....”
WOW. Talk about grace! Esau was even persistent with Jacob. Esau told his dear brother that he would accompany him, and bless his family.
Alright, how awesome is this! Esau ran to embrace his brother even after all that occurred. How gracious was he? Very gracious! I imagine, this is how Jesus responds to us every time we have “off-moments”. He runs to embrace us! To kiss us! To say that we are His Brother/Sister! To say that He adores us. Our Co-heir is in love with us! Our Kingdom's Prince says that we are SO worthy for a destiny! It has nothing to do with what gifts we give, or how persistent we are in trying to justify ourselves. He says that we are worth the bloodshed on the cross. The Lord desires so much for us to be in a relationship with Him, that He would come down to be with us. He fulfills and perfects our faith.
To simply conclude it all, I feel that the three parts in Genesis that my heart has been focused in, have a lot to do with our journey with God.....
1.) We have a birthright, to the Kingdom. A blessing anointed upon us to walk out our destiny; a purpose which is NOT something to be given up or traded for anything!
2.) We have special seasons to explore Him; we hold special places. We are all the temple of God.
3.) We are given grace over, over, over, again, and again. And He is excited about us returning to Him.
As I wrote in the second post, I have had somewhat of and idea for a topic to share. The focus remains the same, however I admit, it's taken me longer than I originally thought. Some second guessing occurred, and I felt unsure of what to type. From the moment I posted the last entry I felt I had to start right off and go for whatever was on my mind to share. Yet, the more I shoveled deep into my thoughts, the more I became scattered and full of different purposes for a third update. Perhaps I was dwelling far too much in discouragement. It's silly I know, but when I thought about the whole idea, something was lacking. Hopefully, I have collected all of the missing pieces.....
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